Ponder This

February 1, 2014

Clouds

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

Clouds over my head
Gloom has always been present
With attempts to block
Some days a dense mass
Fog and mist are upsetting
Thunder, anger turned to rage
Lightening, indignation
Torrential rain, rage is building
Some days the sun shines over me
Peaking through the multitude
Luminous brings happiness and joy
Cloudless days causes conflict with the haze
Not knowing which will overpower me
I hope it will at least be partly sunny

January 1, 2014

Am I Angry

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

 

I can’t change the past.

The past, what is the past.

It is my very own childhood of hell.

Growing up with an alcoholic father is a tragedy in itself,

But to grow up in fear of your own brothers is insane.

I didn’t have any privacy and no one cared. 

How does one overcome such nightmares.

Therapy, I tried it for 10 months and she let me down.

My job is important to me and I don’t want to blow it.

She wasn’t supportive when I needed her.

I thought she was supposed to help me.

 So how do I let this anger go.

I write in my journal, doesn’t help.

I try to talk to my friends, doesn’t help

I watch TV, doesn’t help.

But mostly I turn on my happy face.

I let everyone think I am fine

Am I Angry.

 When I wrote this poem, I was full of rage and out of patience.

I thought my therapist should have healed me in a short period of time.

My job was the most important facet of my life.

I didn’t have any friends left.

I isolated myself from my family and my faith was null and voice.

 Nineteen years later, my anger has dissipated.

Five years of therapy instead of ten months.

I am a good employee, but my job is not my life.

My friends are few, but with meaning.

And my family is important,

But my faith holds the number one position now.

I am not angry I am at peace.

December 31, 2013

Silence

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

I crave silence with its rich possibilities
For self-development and inner peace
To forgo talking forces and noise
Allows me to listen from within
To appreciate the moment that I am in
Without the concerns of the outside world
My inner orchestra awaits me
To sing my song in silence

November 1, 2013

The Healing Process

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

The wounds have almost healed
The process have been slow and painful
As I search for answers
I find more pain
When a physical injury occurs
The healing is visible to the naked eye
When a mental or spiritual injury occurs
No one can see or help
My healing was in my hands
By mostly in God’s hands.
I’m surprised He helped
I haven’t been faithful for a while
And I have questioned so many things
Maybe I have leaned on God more than I realize
Now I hope to hold myself up
Knowing He will always be there
No matter what
I am still scared
And often feel out of control
If I trust myself
Trusting God may be easier.

October 1, 2013

Remember

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

Sometimes I forget the happy times
They are blocked along with the sadness
If only I could have selective memory
I try to recall
But it is always the bad
It isn’t that I forgot
It’s just easier not to remember

I think I use to laugh
When I was young
But the reasons escape me
I know I played with dolls
Those were suppose to be innocent times
It isn’t that I forgot
It’s just easier not to remember

I was afraid to play outside
Offering to clean the house instead
The bad was everywhere though
Yet I didn’t want to leave
It isn’t that I forgot
It’s just easier not to remember

September 17, 2013

Dad and His Rock

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

A steady stream of water flowed smoothly on by
As each rock was inspected for perfection.
Lifted gently from the abundance
Cautious of a snake lurking beneath.
The once smooth black pick-up truck is now tarnished
With dents as the fine specimens are gently tossed in.
Damaging one of the stones would lesson
The opportunity of building perfection.
Three teenage boys dirty and grimy
Perched on top of the pile of perfection.
With each bump, a frown of an eyebrow and gritting of teeth
Would replace the jovial conversation and bantering.
In the cab, a blue eyed little girl sat proudly between her parents.
Time for another creek rock wall to be built by the family.

September 10, 2013

Pain Management

Redpill - Bluepill dilemma

Redpill – Bluepill dilemma (Photo credit: CanadianAEh)

Around October of last year I started having sharp pains in my left arm and shoulder. I tried to put up with the pain, but eventually I had to seek help.

I went to a bone and joint specialists. She said I had frozen shoulder and sent me to physical therapy. After a few visits I realized I wasn’t getting any better.

Surgery “might” fix my problem, but not a guarantee so I decided to try pain management. I’ve seen billboards and seen commercials on the television for a local pain management clinic. They didn’t use the term clinic, but when I walked in that was my first impression.

I was the only person dressed as if I worked, I’m sure some of the patients were truly in pain, but as I glanced back at the parking lot, I began to think differently.

As I closed the door behind me I heard a patient cursing one of the employees because she needed a prescription refill. The nurse told her she still had two weeks before she could refill, it was the law.

I was uncomfortable and doubting if I should be there.

Tomorrow, I’ll share more of my experience with you.

 

 

September 1, 2013

Mask

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

Mask on blue eyes peaking through
All anyone can see
Everyone likes my upbeat moods
They cannot see the real me
I fear no one will like me
Without the mask
If they could really see me
I feel my world would crumble
And I won’t be able to pick up the pieces.
I can’t handle life without the disguise
The mask is getting harder to pull away
Where does the mask end and I begin
If the mask remains
I’ll become a robot
I will smile on command
But will my eyes still sparkle
The day will come
When I will not be pretending
I’ll have forgotten what reality is
What mask?

July 1, 2013

Recovery is Like an Old House

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

As I try to open the door, it doesn’t open.
I twist and twist; finally the knob turns.
I begin to push the door open, it squeaks.
Pieces of plaster have fallen from the walls and ceiling,
Dust fills the room.
There is broken glass at every window,
As I enter each room, it begins to crumble,
Piece by Piece.
Until only the bare frames and chimney remain.
If the house is rebuilt,
It won’t be the same.
The floor plan may even be the same,
But the walls will be different colors.
What holds it all together is the frame.
The old chimney will be used for heat
And it will warm one’s heart.
It keeps the insides from freezing.
My recovery may make me fall apart.
When I pick myself up and rebuild,
I’ll be different too.
But my heart will be warm,
It will keep me from turning numb.

May 22, 2013

Help Me

Filed under: Living a Healthy Lifestyle — by ReidmillerWrites @ 9:28

I cried today
Not because I slammed my finger
In a door or saw a sad movie
I cried for me
I am sad and I feel alone
So I reach out
And no one is there
I reach up
And He is there
If I feel angry He is there
He never lets me down
So why do I push Him away
Help me God to accept you
To find myself and to feel
I have removed my shield
And I am exposed
Help me keep the armor off
And learn to trust
Help me God

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